Compassion Beyond Fatigue

For eleven years, I walked into the Allegheny County Jail each morning, clear bag in hand holding only the most basic necessities, shoes from a small selection in my closet that did not set off the metal detector, lunch containing no glass, aluminum, or other contraband items. I would wind my way through security checks, locked doors, elevators, and hallways greeting staff and inmates as I walked along.

Often a voice would call out from behind me, “Hey, Chaplain Kimberly!” and I would turn to see an inmate who knew me from a previous incarceration. We’d catch up about how they were doing, what their plans were, and what led them back to jail. “This time,” they’d tell me, “I’m never coming back.” I’d always wholeheartedly agree and pray they were right.

Once I reached the chaplain’s office, a large pile of papers indicated the number of inmates who wanted to see a chaplain. Scanning the names, I’d always see ones that I recognized. On one hand, this made the work of caring easier: we already had relationship, and I already knew what kind of support they might want. On the other hand, I always hated to see people back inside who had been released.

Sometimes they’d had a relapse in their alcohol or drug addiction, sometimes they’d had a minor probation violation like breaking curfew, sometimes they had new charges that they were facing. And so, we’d begin again.

Over the years, the weight of seeing the same inmates incarcerated again and again begins to weigh on you. The stories that they tell, the abuse they’ve suffered, and the desperation or resignation in their eyes weighs even more heavily.

Over time, this kind of heaviness can lead to compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue is the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion associated with caring for others. As with physical activities, we need rest from care-giving activities in order to be rejuvenated.

As clergy, we are highly susceptible to experiencing compassion fatigue. We care and support, listen and witness, guide and walk alongside—often to our own detriment. We ignore early signs of burnout like irritability, detachment, or loss of motivation. We continue to care for others but neglect to care for ourselves. Self-doubt creeps in, and our common response is to do more and be more for more people.

While I was in seminary, professor and theologian Stanley Hauerwas dispensed a warning that I will never forget: clergy should avoid at all costs being a “quivering mass of availability.” Trying to be all things to all people at all times can very quickly lead to compassion fatigue.

The danger of compassion fatigue is that it leads to a lack of empathy, a lack of energy, and increased sensitivity, impulsivity, and depression. None of these things make us better caregivers.

We can better serve ourselves and our parishioners if we follow the example of Jesus who occasionally withdrew from the crowds. He was not always successful in his retreats, as we will not be, but he continued to carve out time for rest, friendship, and prayer.

Our councils and mutual ministry committees can be great resources for us in preventing compassion fatigue. Cluster meetings or ministeriums provide support from colleagues experiencing the same challenges.

We can also learn a lesson from the ways we provide pastoral care to others. Our own methods can teach us how to better care for ourselves and prevent compassion fatigue: protect, inform, pray. We can set boundaries that will protect us from harm, inform the church of those boundaries with help from church leaders, and take time to pray and have Sabbath rest (see sidebar).

These are not easy tasks. Reading this article will not prevent you from ever experiencing compassion fatigue. But I pray you tuck away some of the suggestions so that you can draw upon them when most needed.

Proactive Advice

Help for the Clergyperson

  • Collect data on yourself

    • Track how you spend your time for two weeks in general categories (worship prep, pastoral care, family time, etc.)

    • Evaluate if that is the right balance for you

  • Establish firm boundaries for your time

    • Determine your weekly and vacation days off and take them

    • Include your days off in your email signature and indicate that you will not respond to email or phone calls on those days except for emergencies (leave instructions for emergencies)

    • Set a limit of how many evening meetings or events you will attend per week

  • Discuss your boundaries and priorities with the Council and Mutual Ministry Committee

    • Let them run interference for you when necessary

    • Work with them to prioritize tasks – e.g., establish together a pastoral care priority list that includes potential new members, emergencies, inactive members, the hospitalized, active members

  • Refer those in your care to experts

    • Referrals can greatly benefit your parishioners, widen their circle of support, and also prevent you from ministering outside of your expertise

Help for the Ministry Site/Parish

  • Respect your clergyperson’s time off by not expecting responses during that time

  • Ask your clergyperson about their self-care strategies

  • Encourage vacation time and facilitate it by securing pastoral care and liturgy coverage

  • Hold some meetings by Zoom to enable your clergyperson to be away from the building, negate commute time, and avoid getting caught up in items on their desk or lengthy conversations in the parking lot

  • Do not let them attend meetings every night

  • Take extensive minutes at meetings the pastor does not attend so they are well-informed

  • Help others in the church/institution to understand the pastor’s need for rest and Sabbath

 

Rev. Dr. Kimberly Greway, OSL
Pastor of St. John’s Lutheran Church, North Versailles
pastorgreway@gmail.com | 412-824-0277

SWPA Synod ELCA